why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
