But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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