dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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