There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
