nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
