So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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