they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
