I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Randomize
