for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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