he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
