we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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