you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
