So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
