If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
