when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
