In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
