I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i need some magic done to my vagina
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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