I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
