i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
