i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
