every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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