Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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