My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
