We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
