Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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