ttyl tear gas
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
there is glitter all over my balls
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
