I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
