My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
