He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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