I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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