talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
