This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
