am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Your dad touched me again.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
