Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
