Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
