There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
