did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
