Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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