I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
