So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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