Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
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not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
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I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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