Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
