Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
