I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
