the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
