be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
