I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
someone owes me an orgasm
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
