Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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