To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so let's talk penis.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize