Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
