i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
