The maid of honor just puked.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We are all done wearing pants today
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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