Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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