Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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