Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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