..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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