I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
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