listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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