yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
