It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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