how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
