So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
