i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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