Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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