Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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