I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
