All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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