google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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