life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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