i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
