I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
