There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
porn star boner night. come get it.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
