i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
