do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
