Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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