I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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