He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
