My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
