1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
