I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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