I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
