I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
