I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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