I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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