i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
