9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
