Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
