Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
