one two three fourrrrnication!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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