I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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