Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
