I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
