someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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