You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
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I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize