Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
