Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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