I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
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Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
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I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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