in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
